Confessions of a 40-something Samoan woman

I was getting my daily dose of political news today on cnn.com when I saw a  link to this article,  Confessions of a 40-something woman.  Being a 40-something woman myself, it immediately caught my attention and of course I just had to read it.   Boy am I glad I did.  I loved it.  Kudos to Lisa Kogan for such a hilarious and amazingly honest portrayal.  You’ve got to read the whole article, but here is a little teaser to get you going.

 I know that it’s human nature to want to glorify the past and preserve it in a delicious, if often inaccurate, cotton-candied haze. But the truth is that part of me (that would be the part of me that now needs an underwire bra and a pair of Spanx) really does miss my 20s. I still had that new car smell. I still thought terrorism would stay confined to the other side of the world. ….As much as I miss those days, I’m delighted and relieved to be done with being young.  One quick glance in the mirror is all I need to know that time is most definitely a thief. Wait, strike that: One glance and I usually think I’m holding up pretty well — it’s upon closer inspection, that moment when I take a deep breath, put on my glasses, and turn up the dimmer switch, that I’m reminded gravity is not my friend. But if time has robbed me of a little elasticity and a lot of naïveté, it’s left a few things in their place.”

Lisa Kogan, you made me laugh so you are my favorite person today.  I loved your article so much I decided to borrow your idea (as well as the title of your piece) so I hope you’ll forgive me for such blatant thievery. 

Do I miss being young?  Sometimes, some days.  Mostly it’s those days when I realize that I’ll probably never fit into those super skinny jeans again, (the ones that I’ve got tucked away in the farthest corner of the closet, just in case).  Or when I stare much too long in the mirror and notice the wrinkles on my forehead and the age spots around my eyes.  So yes, sometimes, some days, just a little bit, and just for the briefest of seconds, and then I wake up and realize that being a 40-something woman isn’t bad at all.  In fact, it’s absolutely great!

 Who wants to be “young and clueless” again? Not me, thank you very much. 

Sure the body isn’t so firm, sure the “girls” aren’t as perky, sure there’s a few more gray hair showing every day, but hey what is that compared to the abundance of gifts that I have as a 40-something woman?  What are these gifts you ask?  For starters, how about self-confidence, how about life lessons learned from overcoming, from achieving, and from being a mother.  How about really knowing who I am, and not letting others tell me who, what, where, when, and why.  Finally, how about a sense of security that comes from a certain level of success and maturity, and from knowing that despite your flawed 40-something body, you are loved?  Would I trade all that to be a 20-something again?  Absolutely not.  Being young is way overrated!

Lisa Kogan concludes her article with lessons she’s learned and continues to learn as a 40-something woman.  Since I’m shamelessly copying her idea, why not go all the way –  so here’s my list of what I’ve learned as a 40-something Samoan woman.

• Don’t turn the other cheek.  You’ll only end up with two fat cheeks.  If someone disrespects you, don’t let it go, say something.  You don’t have to fuki slam them, but you do have to make it clear that you won’t stand for that kind of treatment.
• Just say No.  It’s ok to give to fa’alavelaves when you can spare the dough, but if you don’t have it, just say No.  If its for someone that you’d never even heard of, or if its the third cousin of a third cousin’s third wife, just say, “heck no!”
• Don’t just be an opinionated woman, be an educated opinionated woman.  So you think you’re smart?  Then back it up, be informed.  Being educated doesn’t just mean a formal education although if you the opportunity to go to college by all means do so.  If not, you can educate yourself on the issues, on current events, on the history of Samoa and Samoans, and anything you’re interested in.
• If life throws you a lemon, cut it up and rub it on your elbows and knees.   Hard times can sometimes be a blessing in disguise so stop feeling sorry for yourself and find the silver lining in your challenges.
• It’s the journey and the destination.  Both are important, not one over the other.  It matters how we get there and it matters what we do when and if we get there.   Learn all you can from the journey and don’t forget those lessons once you reach the destination.
• It’s what you think that matters.  Stop worrying so much about what others think about you, your kids, your life.  Who cares what they think?
• Your mother isn’t always right.  Sure we respect and love our parents, but they aren’t always right.  One of the signs of maturity and being your own person is recognizing that our parents are fallible, that they make mistakes, and that their opinions, biases, and judgments are just that – their opinions, biases, and judgements.  Just because your mother hates Sina doesn’t mean that you have to hate Sina.  Be your own person, think for yourself.
• Life really isn’t fair.  Sure we’d all like to have a million dollars tucked away somewhere.  Yes, we’d all to look like _____ (fill in the blank) but that’s not going to happen.   And of course, we all wish our lives were just perfect.  But that ain’t happening any day soon, so deal with it.  You’ve got what you’ve got, work with it.  Find what it is you’re meant to do and go for it. 
• It’s good to take pride in your family name, but it’s better to take pride in your own name.  Sure we’re all proud to be descendants of chiefs but what else have you accomplished, what have you done, what have you earned?  Is your one claim to fame the fact that you’re related to so and so?