Uso – in Good Times and Bad

Our two older boys really got into it yesterday. They are 19 and 16. Our 19 year-old finished his first year of college last week and is home for the summer. After dinner, I told them that I needed their help in the kitchen. The 19 year old told the 16 year old that one of them should dry and the other will put the dishes away. No big deal, right? Well, my back was turned so I didn’t see what happened but according to the 19 year-old, the 16 year-old gave him a “look.” He said his 16 year old brother had so much attitude in that look that he just couldn’t help lashing out with something terrible like, “wipe that look off your face before I wipe it off for you” or some words to that effect.

They exchanged words for about 2 minutes before I finally told both of them to shut up and then had a sit-down with them. I asked the 16 year old first to give me his version of the blow-up. He readily admitted that he did have an attitude. This was interesting so I pursued it further. I asked him why he has an attitude, where it was coming from etc. He said he was stressed out!!

Stressed out, that boy doesn’t even begin to know the meaning of stressed-out. He was stressed about living here and being so far away from all his friends. Mind you, we’re moving in two weeks, back to the West coast, where he’ll actually be much closer to said friends, and here he is still stressed. Well, I guess he saw how ridiculous his argument sounded for he tried to change it again soon after.

Suffice it to say, that we did get everything straightened out and the usos are friends again. After we talked and they both got to say their piece, I asked them to kiss and make-up but they didn’t go for it. I was only playing anyway – men don’t kiss and make-up, what was I thinking?

In a way, I was glad for the opportunity to talk with both of them yesterday. They’ve been taking a lot for granted lately and I was tired of that. They needed to hear that their life is extraordinarily blessed and they have no cause for complaints. Everything that they need is available to them; food, shelter, family, support, love, and of course all the modern toys that come with being a teenager in America. What more do they want? They have a family that loves them and parents that actually communicate and listen to them. Sometimes, you just don’t know what you have if it’s right in front of your nose.

We had a good talk and I reminded them of their blessings. I asked them to think of someone else instead of always me, me, me, all the time. They think they’re stressed! Try being responsible for your kids and their welfare and see what real stress feels like. We also talked about family. I reminded both of them about family and how we want our family to stick together and not tear each other apart.

I also had some choice words for the 19 year old. Both of them needed a heavy dose of “reality” to get them out of the “pity me” mood they’ve been showing. A kick in the butt would probably have been just fine as well for both of them if I’d had the energy to do that yesterday. As it was, we talked and talked and talked. They even came up with some creative ways to handle any future stresses they might endure. Huh, they need to go to spend a month in Samoa. E vave lava le uma ole stress pe’a kuli e fai popo ma alu e fai le umu. E le’i o’o kamaiki gei ile mea e ka’u ole stress pe’a leai se mea’ai ga’o le fasi ulu ma le miki mafu e ai pe’a fia ai. Aue, ia se’i iloa ai fo’i le fa’akamala.

I wanted my sons to know that family is family. We do not disrespect or discard our families just because we’re stressed or having a bad day. One of the things I love the most about our Samoan culture is our emphasis on our families, our aigas. I love the way aigas are always there for each other. I’m grateful to know that my sons cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents, and everyone else that is even remotely related to us will come to their aid if they need it. Aiga, usos are forever – through good times and bad!