Disciplining Kids

I don’t know about other parents but one of the challenges that I experience and see is that of raising Samoan kids in America (probably anywhere outside of Samoa). Those of us who were born and raised in Samoa sometimes have a hard time accepting the fact that raising our kids outside of Samoa means adjusting our parenting techniques. For example, a lot of people I know still sasa their kids. Now I don’t have a problem with the slap on the backside or a good slap in the face when the occasion calls for. Have you ever been around when a palagi kid told their mom to “shut-up” or the big one “f-off.” Oka, I know it wasn’t my kid but when I hear that ua oso mai lava loka fia alu aku e po le guku. I know when we hear that we all think ua laki lava e le’o se Samoa le lae e fai iai laga kala aua aga o se Samoa ia e le’i uma mai fafo laga kala ae ua pa’u i lalo. E toe malamalama a’e ua leai gi gifo.

What I want to discuss is the all out fugi slam, soli i vae, ku’i le guku se’i ko’ulu mai fafo gifo.

Now, I’m the first to admit that my kids drive me absolutely crazy sometimes. I mean there are times when I just want to fugi slam them myself but I do not. For one thing, if I do there ’s a good chance I will seriously hurt my child who I do love very much despite the stupid things they might do, and for another thing, I just might go to jail. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that child abuse laws in the USA are really strict. Some may argue that they are too strict and I can see their point. I can remember a time when there was such an uproar about spanking kids. I can also remember rolling my eyes at all the “so called child and parenting experts” who got into the debate. I had to wonder if some of them even had any kids.

Being a parent myself I know it is such a challenging job. We all want the best for our children and we all want them to make only good decisions. No parent wants to see their kids do stupid things. But let’s be realistic. Is this really possible? Were we that perfect as kids, as teens, as young adults? Be honest! I wasn’t, I too had my moments and made some poor choices and no I’m not going to tell you guys because that’s my business so don’t even ask:-).

My point is we who are parents need to remind ourselves that our kids will make mistakes. Our kids will disappoint us and yes, there might be times when they do things that will really embarrass us. If we are really honest with ourselves, we might recognize that this may be the reason why we see red when our kids do things that are totally unacceptable. They have embarrassed us in front of our families, our friends, and our communities (whether it be church community, village community, or any other kind).

So how do I deal with it? I deal with it by reminding myself that I know who I am and by believing in the innate goodness of my kids even when at certain times they act like total imbeciles. And I really really do not kea i kala ma manatu a isi kagaka. Ua kakou iloa uma lava kakou kagaka Samoa, e fiafia kele lava e fai kala o isi ma kusikusi lima i isi. Ia ou ke gofo lava ma fai ifo lava a’u ia i a a’u, ia ku’u ai pea ia vale e fai le lakou valea, e le maila ai a se mea o lo’u kino i lakou kala lae fai. E ma’imau fua ai lava lakou kaimi e fai ai kala a isi ae ua le alu le kagaka ia e vaai po’o fa’apefea mai lakou fagau ma aiga.

So my dear uso the next time when your kid does something that just makes you wish you had an amo popo to beat the heck out of him po’o se selaulu e sele po’o ai le ulu o le keige, stop, take a deep breath, and just chill out. Do not go ballistic as you will only make matters worse because a ave loa oe e loka ia ua leai seisi e va’ai le lafu. Remember, this too will pass, the sun will come up tomorrow and you are stronger than you know. You are a Samoan woman and you can survive anything!